Underming Azure 5

[Caligo [Inactive]]

Is it just me, or does it seem like our prime was given and lost to Pawz? This setup seems empty. No frequency, no quality, no quantity. Maybe. I don't know. I don't do much here apparently. Seems to be the cool thing not to do. Ya know. Post.

[lassus]

I see and know what you mean. It's all "post". There's no drive. It's just a way to waste your day. But why? I have no idea. Maybe we grew up? Our lives are having an effect on our ability to do what we once enjoyed? Ah well...

[Wolfe]

Maybe you're jsut crazy? I have more than enough drive to post. I'm hanging profiles on my freakin' wall for christ's sake!

Don't even TRY to start draggin' me down now.

[lassus]

You're just crazy, Wolfe. We know.

[Vector]

Wow. For once I'm thinking "Go Wolfe!" in a positive way. (XP) As for the crazy thing... when you start hanging descriptions of people on your wall, that's when I step back and agree with the critics. o.o

[Wolfe]

I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM!!!


I jsut couldn't psot them online... OKAY?! ...

[Dracomancer]

I know the feeling. I been checking out ACR for weeks hoping to have something to go with. I mean, i can't write the whole thing by my lonesome. Don't want to run off with someone elses idea.

Then again, maybe someone still does write, i do see some new posts lately. As a matter of fact, im gonna go add to the toll.

--Draco

[Wolfe]

You guys are talking like nobody ever posts around here, but that isn't true at all. Just a few days ago we had posting sprees every day. It isn't even CLOSE to dying down.

[demented]

<--- would post.. is still grounded... stole brothers wireless connection to come on-line..




If anything, our prime would HAVE to be Blue Rune, for sure. I mean, geeze, Fame 2, Virus, Nightmare (right?)

All our bests were on that forum.. may it rest in peace *sniff sniff*

[Archangel]

I made that point to Matt earlier. It's true....we may be quiet for a couple days, but it doesn't mean it's dead! People have been busy lately I guess, Laurie with her operation, me with my...well, I have no excuse. LOL De with her grounding...Etc, etc. So in a couple days we'll most likely be right back on track.

As for the loss of...well...drive. That's a bit more difficult. I actually think the degrading started when Blue Rune died. I know, that was a long time ago....But I think that some of the best memories I have of RPing was during that time frame. Now, don't ask me for specifics, because I couldn't give you any. LOL But I just remember having some of the most fun in my life at that time, and I definitely remember it with fondness. But you are right....something has changed. It's like...we can go on posting sprees, but there's something missing. Some magic quality. I have to kind of agree with Matt. I think that maybe it's because we all grew up. We were 3 years younger then, or at least I was (ok, 2 1/2, whatever), and everyone has grown so much since then. I mean, God.... some of us are graduating, or really close to it! That boggles my mind. I mean, when I started RPing on Blue Rune or around that time, I remember Dave was 19. De was 15. I was 18. I think Matt was 14 (I'm sorry, I'm blanking) Now...I dunno....We've just grown up so much. Our paths have joined together, and split, and joined again (yeah, you know what I'm thinking of) over the past few years, and we're not the same people we were back then.

Maybe that's why our posts have changed. We have matured as writers (Oh god we have! LOL Go read some of our old stuff, and compare it to what we write now. It's insane) but we've also matured as people. Maybe the time for passionate writing is behind us. Maybe we're over it like all young people get over a fad. Maybe our glory days are behind us. Ponder that for a moment.

Personally, I like to think that the opposite is true. The way I think of it is this: back then, when we started RPing, and this goes for all of us whenever we happened to start, was like our childhood. We had a lot of fun, we were experimenting, playing, enjoying ourselves. But the future holds something different for us. Something bigger, something better. We know now what we like, and what we're good at. It's time to branch out, start writing things that other people can read, start getting things public. That's why I've pushed so hard for us to make a book. I think we're all very good writers, and that we're getting older, and that it's time for us to think of bigger things. I think the future holds a lot, for all of us, and that maybe we've got bigger and better things in the future. That's the way I feel about it, at least.

PS: I started writing this before De. LOL So I didn't know she had responded. I agree with her. Obviously

[Caligo [Inactive]]

Poetic.

Ironic.

Like my security career; having the highlight at the beginning makes for a very dull duration. I only know that my talent was something worth mention in Vixen's Keep/Blue Rune and that it blossomed into its fullest at Pawzolla's Realm in The Chosen.

Without Laura.

Seems a lot of things are heading that way, the way of the dodo. This isn't the place, but this is my goddamned forum and I'll do as I damn well please because of the clear and simple fact that no one can stop me.

I feel like the entire production is waning on my front. Not just writing, but all things. Life. Interest. Love. Drive. It all fades into disinterest and despair. Misery. I have no home.

To make my private life a public affair, because, again, this is my forum, one would think that when the love of one's life reappears after an absence and some peril, that the world would be a better place and everything would be good again. Except it wasn't. And not much was said. For the hundredth time. And last night, for the first night in 3 years and some months, I left without telling her goodbye or goodnight. That after an hour and some of no words at all.

Don't get me wrong; I understand that not every waking minute of every single day is worth comment, and that sometimes there's just nothing to say. But what when it begins to happen more often than not that there is nothing to say? That there is no content when words are passed more than a hobby that falters? My darkest fear, that's what.

I once said that I would do anything and give everything to make this work. There is nothing more I can do, and there is nothing more I can give. I'm lost - I have no home. I feel disregarded and unimportant. One could wager that I will get a response here, but I would wager that this is because this microsphere that we compose is in fact to small. I don't really want a response. "Sinners need no mercy... or sympathy." I do not want any one's sympathy. I do not want pity. I want an answer. I want to know why this is the way it is. Why do I choose to sit and mope in my own private hell over doing things others would describe as fun? Why does everything I attempt fail? Why does the one thing I bet my lafe on begin to look like a losing play? I want to know the answer; no more riddles, no more lies.

I want to know why this is broken. I want to know why there is a Xegen and why Nightmare is not bound as tightly as he should be. "The darkness - my darkness - will show me the way..." To what, because it's beginning to seem like an eternity of damnation. I may walk the twilit road, but I fear mine ends in nightfall. No light. No love. No peace.

No me.

My heart and mind are not far from yielding to this madness, Vesania. I know not what to do, but that has yet to stop me from attempting to uncover a solution to my woes.

Lord, hear our prayers.

[Wolfe]

admin said:

I do not want any one's sympathy. I do not want pity. I want an answer.

[/i][/quote]

Fine. I'll not give you what you don't want. No sympathy. No pathetic griping trying to get you happy again. Cold fucking water right in the face. You know why your relationship with Skye is apparently falling apart? When was the last time you HELD her in your arms? When was the last time you acctually KISSED her and ACCTUALLY experinced her being?! I've said it a million times before: Long distance relationships, especialyl ones purely over the goddamned internet, DO NOT WORK.I don't CARE how close you are. You cannot truely love from a wire link.

archangel said:

Maybe the time for passionate writing is behind us.

Bullshit. I don't know why getting older would mean a damned thing except that our passion is greater. THink about it. We've been doing this--all of us together--for like... three fucking YEARS. And WHY do we stay at it? WHY can't we leave, even when we try? Because we're addicted. We love it. We love the people and we love doing what we're doing. Christ, am I the only one that gets this?!

Am I the ONLY one here who's acctually enjoying writing at ALL? Fucking join Destitution, all of you. It's bigger, it's more advanced and detailed, and by God, it's a blast. Quality, quantity. You'll feel the experinces that you APPARENTLY think you're missing here. Christ people, come on.

The Tao of Pooh describes a vertain kind of person: The Uncarved Block. This kind of person is embodied in Winnie the Pooh, for all of you who know about him. The UNcarved Block is simplistic, not thinking too hardly on anything and enjoying life for what it is. This is how I've been trying to live these days. Nay, how I AM these days. Don't take things so goddamned seriously. It's NEVER the end of the world; I don't CARE what the situation is. Just live for the moment and don't dwell so much on anything, and you know what you'll find?
Life is a blast.

So everyone, jsut relax, sit back, and write.

[Archangel]

I'll try not to give my sympathy any voice, and definitely will not pity, because I know it's not what you want. But you want an answer, and that's just not possible. I don't think it'd be possible from anyone, not just us, but maybe not even from yourself. An answer involves surety, confidence, and knowledge that you know all the facts, or at least enough of them to make the answer sensical. When dealing with the mind, and emotions, there is no surety. There are no facts. All we have are thoughts, feelings, impressions, opinions. And those differ with each person. We know for a fact that your opinions differ from mine; that's obvious. But you're here looking for an outside opinion, so I guess I'm going to try and give it to you. Maybe it won't be to your liking. Maybe you won't believe me. It seems that a lot of my arguments are not to your liking and you don't like to believe in them. But you're putting this out there for us to help you, so I will give you all the help I can. Because I am your friend, and I have been for a long time, through all our troubles and our problems.

Personally, I think that Wolfe is wrong about one thing. Long distance relationships CAN work. But...they only work sometimes. They're just like regular relationships, in that sometimes they work out, and sometimes they flop completely on their face. The only real problem is that people like us, like me and you Dave, put too much emotion into it. We base our lives on it. And this could happen with any type of relationship: if you put so much emotion into it that you would be lost without it, then you're setting yourself up for a fall. It's the truth, long distance or not. Some people put a lot of value into the physical and nonverbal aspects of a relationship, and it's true, these things are very VERY important to a relationship. But there's more to a relationship than just touching and kissing and holding. There's understanding, compatibility...and love. And if you have that, then maybe things will work. But you can't base your life around it. You have to be able to take things in stride, and you have to adapt. Without that, you're betting your life with every gamble, and the law of probability states that you won't win every single time. That's a bet that no one should make, because it's dangerous to yourself.

I want to clear something up too. I never said that our passion was behind us. I said "Maybe". Maybe you're right, Wolfe. I honestly hope and pray that our passion is not behind us but ahead of us, that the future holds so much more for us than we can imagine now. But one never knows. The passion of a child is a completely different thing from the passion of an adult, but the passion of a child burns stronger in its innocence, and is unmatched in intensity with anything but the passion of love. Think how happy you were as a child. Do you think you could ever be that happy again? Maybe. For some people, yes. For others, no. It's a time of carefree fun and complete naivete, and there is something wholly great and innocent in that.

Not everyone can live by the Tao of Pooh. It's just not possible for some peoples' psyches to completely go with the flow. Some people are worriers, like me. Some people dwell on the past, like me. Some people hurt all the time, sometimes for no reason. Again, like me. But I'm not saying this for pity. I'm saying it to prove a point. Just because you are that way doesn't mean you CAN'T go with the flow. It doesn't mean you CAN'T enjoy life. Because Wolfe is right about one thing; it's not the end of the world. Even if the worst thing in the world happened to you right now, the world would still go on (unless of course the worst thing in the world included the world blowing up, or something). And you'd have to learn how to live with it. Yeah, it sucks. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, it's no fun. But it has to happen. We as humans learn how to adapt, and learn how to live with what we have. That's a skill that needs to be learned, with time. And it's not easy. But then again, life rarely is.

That's not the answer you're looking for, I know. None of it is. But it's the answer I would give myself when I ask questions like this. We are all here, and we all have to deal with that. And the best way I know is to just...go with the flow. Learn to live life one day at a time. A really good friend said this to me once:

Life is a thread, a precious silver thread of cascading experiences. None of them, however terrible or wonderful they might be, last forever. Love, just like pain, comes and goes, and while you may always love someone, that love will change it's shape and consistency. If you try to stop the flow of life, you die. But if you learn that there is always another light waiting to be explored, then you will always be living for the adventure of life, not for the unstable security of another person's whims.

I think she's right. But the real question is this: What do YOU believe is right?

[lassus]

Jesus, Wolfe, must every post have an advertisement?

Now, uh, I would add to the huge posts, but I have nothing to say. True, I could say alot of shit, but does it really matter? You need to be ready to listen.

[Kai! Kai!]

i think its just all this graduation stuff and life thats butting in right now. things have picked up thier pace outside of the Forum and that means people at present have a little less time thne usual to post. We do get the occasional spurts of posting so the forum isn't completely dying.